the moon swam like a silver seal
toward the opposite shore
of an anonymous morning. i felt it
as a miracle.  it didn't last long.

the sun commandeered the international waters
of the sky.  somewhere beneath all this
pomp and circumstance i've lost
the spirit of combat,  as though

my life has become a road gone to weeds
or water or fog.  in deep 
is what i have always been
for this long haul across
an ocean that is so often a shallow,

unspectacular metaphor.
but i have thought this phrase over and over
like a mantra i use to locate myself:
woman in the mirror
woman in the mirror

it’s sudden death.  impossible to comprehend
all at once.   ophelic,  sitting on the cliff’s edge
under the moonlight with its scatter of white lies.
let the ship of nails sail in. like–who was it?– Balder?
i have received my death blow
from the harmless mistletoe.

the day unwinds like a skein of yarn unspinning itself.
but i was talking about childhood.  lost reveries,
fear of abandonment.  did i mention the dead?
–the subtext leaching into the text.
in therapy, it’s called the Fear of Abandonment–
capital letters.  it’s really cold in here, no hint
of spring.   i have never labored to be beautiful.

beauty is not for me, but i am not as old
as you think i am.  i will leave my house of silence,

eventually.

lovers are always breaking each other open
like soft fruits.  at first to bury their souls
in each other’s flesh, later just to break each other.

see, i was a magic rabbit you pulled out o’your arse.
the cart before the horse, actually,
unable to go anywhere– certainly not
to heaven with my sparse faith.
lost but for the flames i drag through this fucking blog.
distant beyond the brood of dark hills,

there is someone aiming an arrow
— but i can’t see well from this distance.
it could, i suppose, be cupid

at midnight
the clouds had swallowed the moon.
that may sound poetic, but it’s
completely false–the moon is so
far above the clouds– way beyond
cloud-swallowing reach
and in fact, they don’t swallow
in the sense of having a mouth,
throat, epiglottis,
stomach to receive that which is swallowed.
and “above” is an arbitrary concept;
in limitless space, what is above, below, beyond?

at midnight, there was a clamor
on the balcony. shadows were shattered
by an explosive disagreement
between two wild creatures.
or maybe i was dreaming, and i wonder–
are shadows shatterable? i got out of bed
and went to the french doors
to close the heavy curtains.
“my god, they are going to kill each other,”my husband
exclaimed. he was standing there watching them.
the dog was barking.

i could see the pond below;
water splashing and sparkling…

i don’t have a husband and the wild creatures were gone.
the clouds had the dry heaves.

the moon fell into my arms